Tyler: “I didn’t know what the fuck was going on, I thought it was a gunshot. I heard that shit and was like “fuck that”.
???: “You jumped high though.”
Tyler: “I’m black.”
Everyone goes to see the leaning tower of Pisa and takes photos of that, but look at the beautiful building behind it. Why don’t more people photograph that?!
does beyonce measure her weight in beyounces
If you ever think your life is bad just remember that when my sister was born my mum threw up on her
She’s still pissed off at me and blame all of you
That awkward moment when you ran up the stairs and now you’re trying to hide your heavy breathing like it’s no big deal but you’re actually pretty winded and dear god you need to work out.
Jennifer Lawrence is like a Tumblr user who somehow went outside and got famous and now she’s just confused
One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”
growing up means realizing a lot of your old friends are assholes